Replaced

As mom came home from work my day got hard.She brought Sara with her, not that i don`t like Sara.I was jealous of her once but i am getting over that.Now i dislike Sara in a whole new way.I don`t like Sara because she is different.I don`t like different,why?Its just the way some people are.Sara is different because she does stuff with the family.She comes over when she wants and sometimes not to see Josh my brother(her boyfriend)and i do not like her for that i wish she was just like any other girlfriend and comes over just for her boyfriend and not for her boyfriends family.why?Because doing so it makes my family like her.Justin`s old girlfriend Heather she hates,i liked Heather.Sara is a different story,she is the only girlfriend of my brothers i have not liked.And i am thinking thats the reason why,because she is different.Today at dinner(with Sara)i tried to tell a joke ended up hurting my moms feelings then my dad makes me say sorry.I did say it but Sara was rite there and i felt embarassed.I ran to the bathroom,rite before i fell into a puddle of tears,my tears!Yes i was crying.Then i when up stairs to my pale room and cry until it was time to go to dance class.Brandie invited Sara to go along i was crushed when i saw Sara in the front seat,next to Brandie i saw in my mind them going to Arbi`s,and to shoe show,and them having a great time. no i`m not happy for her and Brandie.Seeing them together made me remeber the time when it was me or Brandie in the car singing,and laughing or me and Brandie going place`s even to the store to get mom milk.I miss though`s times,but it made me feel replaced.Like no one needs me.it made me cry.Cry a river nope not a puddle this time!And when we got home i ran inside and ran upstairs before anyone could talk to me.Its like i live to be replaced and i hate to live because of the replacement.

Samantha-the replaced

Even More Alone :(

As you know Joshua`s old bedroom right now is my room and all thats up there is a chair,two side tables,a coffee table,old ragged curtains and a bunch of junk.Today mom blew up in my face about a stupid power drink wrapper,that was not even mine.My back was killing me and still is.I was hurting both inside and out.The only place i could go to hide my tears was upstairs in my bedroom.i got up there just before i burst out into tears.I looked around.I noticed how life-less that room is,and how did that make me feel much more you gessed it alone.Now i`m alone because i don`t spend time with my mom or Brandie (mom mostly),i`m alone because i feel sad,and teary inside,and now i`m alone because my freaking room is white,pale,and dirty!!God how much more alone can a person get i don`t even have any friends,i am not kidding as soon as i was in home school my friend talk about me behind my back and kicked me to the side of the road like a dead animal,they were backstabers anyway.Now the only person i have to chat with is Cody my talking,boring,brother that gets on my last nerve every time he walks in to the same room as me!Good gosh i am only 11 and i already feel like i have gone though so much and gosh my back hurts right now.And people i hope you don`t pity me,why? because about 5,000 children died of hunger,cancer,drive-by shooting and even more are running away from abusive parents,people please don`t just sit back and let this happen make goals and help the children,teens,adults,and your grandma who`s about to die of old age.Sure people die everyday but that does not mean you have to help.If your going into a gang soon or if you are abusive to your child please get help,because one day you will be in jail.And even tough i love you i hope you pay for all the bad things you did.I don`t mean go out and kill the people who do these things.Instead of putting yourself behind bars get the word out protest,start a group to help the people.Do not sit around.get up and help the teens,children,and adults the children who get ran over,and beat by abusive parents,and runaway and wind-up as some pot-head`s girl friend.Help the teens how get preganate because there boyfriend forced them,and teens who walk at night and get beat by some crazy person.Do not be the hurter help the hurt and the hurter.

Samantha, the world is far from perfect.Trust me…

Alone

In this house,in my home,it seems like i`m alone, i`m not there are people here.In this house nobody speaks,nobody laughs,this house is silent.This is a 2 floor house and only for people remain.This house was once filled with joy and laughter.I am feeling alone,why?I was here when this house was filled with joy.I was joyful,because there was 12 or more people in this house.Now there is few of us remaining.I have seen poeple come and go,and soon i will join them i will leave this house someday,not to soon.I fell alone because in this house there is few who breath,few who speak,and there is very few who come.Many leave.Where do this people go they go to a new house a start a family and redo what they went though.people this house is silent because few come many go.There are hardly any humans in this house.Some would say “THANK THE LORD” but i am thinking who many times does this happen?To make a family you need love not blood. So if god tells us to love everyone than we are a family no matter what you think we are one.I love everyone and really you should have no other family,than the family of the world it does not matter the skin color it does not matter what blood type we are all the same i love EVERYONE in the world because i love my one and only family.thank you for loving the world !!

i love you-Samantha

The Best Person In The World

I wonder how we are suppose to feel when we are uncomfortable.I have wrote about a girl that i know as Sara.this person has a whole different side of her, that i never saw until someone explained this sure i have heard what this person said but she put it in a way,a way i felt guilty i every disliked Sara.Brandie has alway has been my hero i never have said so. I kept my feelings inside now is the best time for my expressions to come out.Brandie my sister,friend and my most favorite person in the world is the most loved by me,nobody,her husband,daughter,mother none of these can love her like i do.She has been by my side all of my life when my parent`s fought,when i hurt,when i needed someone to talk to she was and is always there for me i know Brandie will read this soon or later but Brandie is my most favorite person in the world sure god and Jesus are great awesome and powerful but i dont think i could live without a sister who always cares.I wish she was happy but how can she be with her husband in Iraq,her, her husband and her daughter have gone to things i could not handle in a million of years.Brandie is about the best they get,she is better than gold to me.Brandie is not better than god but shes the best human i`ve met and i will meet .I no longer hate Sara,i feel sorry for Sara she`s never felt at home not even in her own home.God said we need to love everyone even if they have done anything bad to us.Sara did not do anything bad to me but i still hated her. jealousy is a painful emotion.You have nothing to be jealous of not of anyone or anything.If you are jealous of anyone just think of what you have that they don`t such as a ipod,a bed even a home just because they have a house does not mean that they have a home.At home you feel comfortable.In a house thats hard to tell.everyone be happy of what you have,and if its nothing be happy that god loves you.

-Samantha

Questioning And Lying!

Okay so i`m the liar , the questioner would be Joshua and/or Sara. i lied to them because they asked me if i like Sara.Not as in love like but as in friend like.I said “yes” but the truth is i don`t like Sara,for fact i hate her!Why did i lie because Sara was right they beside Joshua .I could not let her know i hate her, why?Because she might be my roommate soon! ugh!I think of Sara as a pretty toy doll, except i think opposite than everyone else .shes still a doll but an ugle,prepy doll that will not get dirty unless she is forced to do so.Not to mention that she is getting a lot of atention from my family!My family loves her!!Maybe shes some witch and has cast a spell on my family but the spell does not work on me because …um.. i`m full of it, shes not a witch.I might be jealous of her!I am totally guilty there.But there is something more than jealousy that i can`t find out.Sure jealousy is one but the other i have no idea, maybe what i`m jealous of ?we are opposites i`m like 30% tomboy,10% prepy, 20% rocker,and 40% a normal girl. and Sara i`m not sure all i know is that i HATE her!!Lets see why do i hate Sara ,why i`m jealous.I hate Sara because i`m jealous of her.why am i jealous of Sara…?It seems to me she is my replacement in the family.is she trying to replace me.Or is she it on accident ?maybe she is innocent and does not notice what shes doing and what she is doing is making me mad at her,and is trying to be nice.That still does not change anything i still hate her,and i mean HATE!!!

-Samantha

p.s.- people can`t you type!Try commenting me,”oh Samantha how i love your blog” might just work! hurry up before i start commenting myself!!!!!!!!

coming from yesterday

sorry i didn’t get to get on my blog yesterday Joshua(my brother)brought his girlfriend Sara over not for the first time ugh (i don’t like Sara)i was on the computer when she got here.i didn’t really care josh left for work and Sara fell asleep on the couch. i was going to make dinner until i found out someone all ready asked to make and gess who the world that was if you gessed Sara your right!gosh i asked to make dinner thats like once in a life time that i ASK to make dinner. thats not the only thing why i dont like sara i can give you 5

1. she comes over here almost every freaking day .

2.she works … with my mom that brings her closer to my mom.

3.gut feeling -my gut says not to trust her . that important

4.she does’nt talk she mumbles that gets on your nerves after like 6 months

5.she wears my brothers class ring and that makes Lauren like her(Lauren is my neice)

6+7.this really gets to me-

6. my mom acts like Sara-the-witch is one of her daughters and Sara has a better relationship with my mom than i do like if mom is going to the store she will ask Sara to go with not me gosh i HATE her!

7.my parents planted this one on me last night and i’m not very happy ..when Sara is done with high school she is moving in with us and not only that when we move this summer she is going with us take a 16 hour trip to-someplace(not going to say)-with us and ahhh this is the worse part the witch will be sleeping in my gosh dang-it room !i want to pull out my hair right now! i cant stand her… not that i show it aroung the house

that was more than 5 things soon she will be baby sitting us (me and Cody my brother)

Samantha -the young hope-less girl!

Im a mess!!

sorry i haven’t been bloging latly today i notice things like why i haven’t been eating lately,or i’m really pale and don’t really get a lot of sun,a also had to go to the eye doctor today !my doctor said that my eyes weren’t very different than the last time and that i needed to get more glasses i’m supposed to wear glasses but i lost them like a couple of months ago and have not been wearing any since then ! i think why i haven’t been eating latly is because my body is changing and i’ve been going though p.m.s. something girls go though it when they are growing all p.m.s is different like my mom gets really cranky and mad when going though it, my sister you cant really tell because she has post-pardon depression and has to take happy pills everyday ,and with me i dont eat much like nothing but dinner and then not even half of what i would eat regularly oh and i get a little down like i not really happy not sad but in between .the paleness i cant really explan maybe its because it always raining out and i don’t go out side as much as i would when its sunny not that im not in shape ,i take dance lessons and go twice a week and i have been going to the place for 5 years ,since 2002 or 2001 i don’t know .anyway i will give you some pointers on what i’ve been doing

1.reading-i have been reading the maximum ride series by James Patterson he is an awesome writer and i cant seem to put down the books.

2.music-i have been hearing Incubus-Anna-molly,skillet-Wispers in the dark, Paramore-misery business ,and buck cherry-Sorry on my music player.

3.cothes-black tees,jeans, and regular shoes are what i have been wearing not all prepy-n-pink for me i am not much of a fashion person.

4.weather-wet,not very sunny,and cloudy… of course who does not like the sound of rain putting them to sleep i love it.along with a good tunder storm its a perfect match.

well i can’t say anymore stuff has been going on other than i am going to have my own room very soon i use to share 1 with my sister Brandie one the first floor then she moved out got married had a baby and moved back when her husband was in Iraq ,her and her daughter in my room on a bed and me on the couch but my brother Josh is going to be moving out soon so i will get his room on the second floor! as soon as it is clean we own a very old house and theres water damage upstairs and the person who built the place did a BAD job on the upstairs i really don’t mind though! well gotta go

Samantha

Not So Great!!

well today =NOT SO GREAT!in the morning i got up late (like always i never get up early!)still in my cothes from yesterday i fell asleep on the couch then i when into the dining room and gess what i was sleeping again!then i got up and did my school-work (i’m home schooled-boring)when i was done i got on the internet and looked though my e-mail and did my daily things .i changed my cothes and got into some camo pants and black tee.my sister Brandie,Cody my brother and Lauren my neice came home from…i don’t know.Brandie asked me to help her make a care pack for her husband a marine serving in Iraq!so of course i did then we went to the post office to send the package’s and a handful of letters-she really misses him but they have a aniversery coming up!it was like have a hour till we got out of that place!when we got home my brother Zach was at the house with his “girlfriend” Carla.we played some foot ball a game with my dad, 2 brothers, Carla and me vs Zach!we played that Game till my mom came home the we had to get the food that she got put away.after that Zach and Carla went to go get sushi and see a movie. my dad and josh went to go get the pizza we ordered .you won’t belive how much we ordered… 1cheese pizza,1peperoni pizza,1 hawiian pizza with extra pineapples,1 meat pizza,and four boxes of buffalo styled chicken wings!well i gotta go it’s like 3:34 at night and i’m thinking im gonna get busted for being on the computer so late i dont have time to check this sorry i hope its good!

Whats wrong with you

Don’t you just hate it when people come up to you and say “Whats wrong with you”.Today that happend to me. My brother just got home from Hawii he’s in the marine corps long story… anyway, he came home because he needed a vaction. i was sitting on the stairs. three people walk past and say whats wrong with you, then i when up to Cody,my other brother(i have 5 brothers and 3 sisters)he said i looked like Im goth because 1-i was dressed in black 2-i was “avoding” people and 3- it just so happens that the light by the stair case wasn’t on and he said i was sitting in the dark and those things made me goth ! Yea right ! He also said i looked depressed …what am i supposed to be happy when one of my brothers are going to Iraq !Gosh brothers, i think they where put on the planet to make us misrable!So maybe i was a little depressed a lot of things are going wrong in my life. I’m 11 and i’m depressed ,and paranoid.I’m also the youngest in my family so if somthing happens in the family i am the one who hears it last just because i’m 11 does not mean i cant handle things!my parents are very well deferent i cant date,or wear make-up until i’m 16 and i shouldn’t date then because my brothers would freak the boy out of his pants.all of my brothers are very very strong and smart -Dylan-is a huge 6 foot boxer -Zac is in the marines -Joshua is skinny yet so strong -Justin is going to collage to be a boxer -Cody is like the smartest person i know and he is not a geek oh and carter my sisters husband is in the marines also ! my family is strong and very powerful my dad works for IBM computers but we all think he might be in the FBI! like i said strong and powerful and its not just the boys my sisters are awesome and strong .i really think i can handle things that they keep away from me until a find out for myself or they tell me right at the last minute ! not so great huh! i’m Samantha and sorry to say it life is not fare !